All the days of Jennifer.....

Sitting in my living room, watching Eagles (of all things) with the husband.

Finally some down time.

Time Management.  Something I am trying to learn.  But I dont know if it is "management" that is the problem or just NO time at all.  I feel like I live in my car these days.  The odds of me dying in a car accident are increased by the amount of time in a day I spend in it....then from my diabetes ever at this rate.

Lots of things going on in the Trotter-Marshall household.  I feel overwhelmed to the point of confusion sometimes....do you ever feel like that?

I know if the twins get their licenses and a car...some things will be lifted from my plate...but I will just worry more. LOL

Im trying to kickstart my Real Estate career.  Trying some new ideas, with the help of my broker.  But starting to feel overwhelmed with ideas, where do I start, which is the best way to go???  I love it, it is a great way to earn a living, but it also costs my family alot for me to continue, especially if I dont have a sale....its been since June.  I know alot of agents are in the same boat with me....even veterans of the business....that makes me feel like it isnt just me....but also discouraging at the same time.  There are alot of costs in continuing my business in real estate....and it needs to start paying off again.

So in the meantime, I have considered and decided to also become a Slumber Parties sales consultant.  Host some parties, make money, new friends and have fun doing it.  The costs are less than real estate and no waiting months to get paid!  Hoping my friends can get me started by hosting lots of parties!  Im excited to try something new, maybe get me out of this funk I find myself in.

Speaking of funk.......I am not in the Christmas mood this year.  I have barely done any shopping at all.  I dont know if it is a financial thing (which we are always broke this time of year) or if its the fact that I dont want to live in this house anymore, or just simply.....not feeling it.  I have NO idea what it is, but I really hope it kicks in soon.  Kylee wakes up everyday, telling me how many days left till Christmas. I want to get in the spirit for her sake, if nothing else.  Maybe the cookies we are baking this week, will cheer me up......and friends on Sunday :)  It also goes back to the time thing, I dont have time for anything this year...let alone Christmas!  Oh, well.

I feel like Im just rambling...I tend to do that, hope you arent lost in my thoughts by now.  Haha.  I confuse myself, so it wouldnt be a surprise if you are too. :)

Im having a hard time juggling being a mom, wife, real estate agent, friend.....you name it.  Im trying my best, but still feel like I fail at least one of those roles daily.  I hate when I see Kylee struggling in school, I tend to give in to her way too much, simply cause Im too tired to argue with her.  That has to stop.  I am having a hard time letting the twins "go".  Amanda is fighting me on this at every turn.  Being 18, doesnt automatically make them an adult in my opinion. They are just old enough to know better.  I understand I will have to let some "control" go, but I need to know I can trust them.  Something Amanda is testing me on.  It is hard. I feel like I failed her too.  We had a huge fight last week, it has been on my mind....still trying to figure out how to get through it.  It hurts.  Alot.

So I guess you can say, time has me all tied up.  Physically and mentally.  And I need to beat its ass and trudge through it....get it all untangled and figure it out.  I will. Just gonna take time. Haha.

Tomorrow is just the beginning.....

Tomorrow is the day!  I start on insulin through my pump!

I have been using it since October 15, with saline.  I like the features, the buttons are alot easier to use than I thought.

The first thing I actually like about my new insulin pump are the infusion sets I chose.  They are so easy, simple and believe it or not....PAINLESS!

(I of course chose pink)

Once I get used to the tubing....it wasnt so bad.  I accidentally ripped an infusion out getting changed the first night, but have been doing great since then.

The greatest feature, I have been loving while "pretending" with saline....has been the ease of giving myself a bolus of insulin before each meal...etc.  It easily calculates the proper amount based on the carb ratios set.  The meter I use to prick my finger with...transmits the number to the pump...then all I am left to do is enter the carbs I am eating and it calculates the insulin and I just hit the button and DONE.  No lifting my shirt, clicking my insulin pen and having to inject myself.....love it!

Two of the features I am going to learn to use tomorrow, I am excited about:

Dual Wave:  This feature allows me to deliver my insulin in two different amounts, either 50/50, 30/70 or however I choose....over a period of time I also choose.  This is exciting because when I eat, I can give myself some of the insulin I need...and have my pump deliver the rest of it over a time period I set.  No more lows.....then extreme highs!!  

Square Wave:  This feature will allow me to give myself a set amount of insulin over a time period I choose also.  This is great for buffets and parties....where I am not sure how much food I will eat, or "grazing". So I can tell my pump to give 10units of insulin over a 5hr period (for example) and should be able to keep my sugars from soaring high, from not giving enough; or going low, for giving too much.  

I am so excited to see my sugars start to level out towards normal.  Hoping I start feeling better.

Once I start insulin, I have some basal testing which involves fasting and then carb ratio testing.....to properly set the pump to my insulin needs....but I know it is all necessary to make using the pump as effective as I need it to be to maintain a healthy life.

Another important event happening tomorrow:

My daughter Amanda is meeting with her cardiologist to get a checkup after her recent heart surgery.  We are praying that she is cleared for normal activity (as normal as a teenager can be, lol) and the defect did not return.  We were told that it could return at anytime and each year she is to see a cardiologist to make sure.  Brandi, her identical twin sister, since sharing DNA must also be tested tomorrow.  The syndrome is genetic and we are praying this is one thing, they dont share!

Please keep the girls in your prayers.  Hoping for good news tomorrow :)

New Beginnings

I haven't posted on my blog in what looks to be like over a year. 

Today is Wednesday, October 13, 2010.  Today marks officially two weeks since starting a Continous Glucose Monitor.  I have to change the sensor today.  I have since changed it twice, each time with so much anxiety.  I tremble, my hands shake and I cry.  I dont know what it is that makes me cry the most.  Shear frustration with myself, the realization that this is my life forever or just the start.

Start, as in the sensor is linked to my insulin pump, which I am to start using this FRIDAY.  I have to go to UPenn and sit with the trainers and doctors for probably 3 hours, while I learn to inject myself with an infusion site for insulin. 



I have to inject these glucose sensors in every 3-5 days....each time I get so upset.....only to know that this isnt the end.  I still have so much more to do.....just to survive. 









Step One:

Remove the old sensor, place into trash and the transmitter into the charger.

Clean the site.  I chose to use my thighs.  Some people use their abdomen and stomach areas...but I am left with lots of stretched skin and battle wounds (otherwise know as stretch marks) that is makes it impossible to get a good site and  I failed three times....so I moved to the leg.  I have been switching from thigh to thigh, each time I change out the sensor.

Step Two:

Take the sensor out of the package and remove the protective cover from the needle.  Insert the sensor into the "applicator"  aka the GUN.  It gets loaded in and then placed against the skin and I have to push the top of it to shoot it into my leg.  This is where the nerves come in.  The button isnt just push and go, you have to PUSH it...so I cant get myself to do it...without getting nervous and upset....as I see this needle ready to inject itself into my leg.  I tell myself, "stop it Jenn, you can do this" yet....I shake, cry and try to breathe.  The shaking is what makes it the hardest.

Step Three:

Once I finally get the button pushed, my hands are shaking...and the sensor gets injected.  I remove the GUN and the needle is still in my skin.  So I have to grab the sensor by both sides and remove the needle as gently as I can.  This is the part that I get most upset about, because usually I am still shaking from all the anxiety and the needle doesnt always co-operate.  If the needle comes out ok, the less bleeding occurs.  I have to then use gauze to hold onto the sensor to keep the bleeding to a minimum.

Step Four:

Once the bleeding stops, I have to hold still and wait for the sensor to "soak" into my skin.  About 15 minutes or so.  I remove the CGM transmitter (the tick looking part) from its charger and attach it to the sensor I have injected.  It takes a small push and it clicks right in.  Then tape it down.

Green light means go.  Successfully connected.

All taped down.  Next step is to connect it to my insulin pump.

So there you have it. This process takes me about 45 minutes right now.  The pain today wasn't as bad as it was on Saturday.  Usually if I can keep the bleeding down, it hurts less.  I have to relax my leg, because it is very sore at the moment.  But after a day it subsides.  

Friday, October 15, 2010....I start on my pump.  With only saline to start, so I get used to injecting myself with the infusion sets and using the buttons. Then....on October 26, 2010....I start the insulin regimen.